Not being able to sleep I got up at 3 am and spent a fair bit of time meditating on the spiritual journey.
As I get older the life of prayer seems to get more difficult, not more easy. Temptations continue and one of them is the temptation to give up. Not to do anything radically wicked, but simply to give up in the spiritual quest–to drift if you like.
As I was thinking about this I came under attack. Satan,–who is the accuser of the brethren–told me that the whole thing–my life in Christ, my vocation to the priesthood, my becoming Catholic, my service as a priest–that all of it was one big elaborate escape mechanism to run away from who I truly am. In other words it was an exercise in self loathing, and therefore the whole thing was a lie and I was simply a huge fraud.