I’ve been wondering … Am I sexist, do you think? I said sexist, not sexy. I already know I am sexy. An Adonis no less. Women are always looking at me with wistful eyes and giggling with each other. I heard one of them say I am a sex idol for women who do not care.
Why only yesterday a blonde woman stopped me in the street and said, “Hello handsome … could you direct me to an optician please? I’ve lost my contact lens!” And last week, whilst in London, another woman stopped me and said, “Hi hunk … would you like a good time?” Looking at my watch I said, “It’s half-past three …” I probably misunderstood her because she walked away rather disappointed and did not say a word. I wonder what all that was about! But she did call me hunk … which proves I’m attractive. Anyway … back to my original question. Do you think I am sexist? There I was on the bus the other day, sitting there minding my own business, I took out of my pocket a glass jar of pickled onions and started eating them quietly. I stabbed the onions with a pencil which I sharpened the point very thin like a pin. Better than carrying a fork. Sometimes I have with me pickled gherkins, or cucumber slices; this time it was pickled onions. Have you tried Piccalilli? I usually need a spoon when I’m eating that on the bus. Can’t eat Piccalilli with a pencil. Doesn’t taste right!