Day 1 – AD LIMINA APOSTOLORUM

St.
Francis was known for telling his friars not to preach unless they
had received the proper permission to do so. He would say “Let all
the brothers, however, preach by their deeds.” From this rule of
his sprang the catchy phrase “Preach the gospel at all times. Use
words if necessary.” We can all learn a lot from this wise phrase.
Or as it says in Proverbs “He who answers before
listening–that is his folly and his shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)

We
can help others come closer to God and come to a better understanding
of the truth by the way we communicate with them. Good listening and
good communication skills benefit all of the people in our life. No
one has ever experienced a negative side effect from saying less
while listening more. If we want to be wise stewards of our words, we
need to use them sparingly and speak strategically. We need to pray
for a gift of tongues in order to be understood by those around us.
But there is a reason God gave us two ears and only one mouth.

With
all those we communicate with during the day we need to allow Jesus
to speak through us. Jesus is someone who always listens with an open
heart. On the road to Emmaus (Luke 24: 13‐35) Jesus actively
listened to those in need. Only after listening to their concerns did
he explain the scripture to them. “Were not our hearts burning
while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?”
Listening is a master skill, it is a fine art.

By
developing a prayer life and listening to Jesus we can learn to love
like God wants us to love. Jesus taught us that the most important
commandment is to love. Through listening carefully we show the other
that they are loved. We must think carefully before
speaking, writing, tweeting, blogging, etc. We’re not called to
attack others. God says they’ll know we are Christians by our love.
We need to speak the truth in love. Attacking an individual is never
speaking the truth in love. Only through listening carefully to
understand the other can we truly love. As Paul said “If I speak in
the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a
resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” (1
Cor. 13:1)

Everybody
has a story and there is always a story behind their story. People
need a chance to talk out what has happened to them in life in order
for them to come to a better understanding of God and His mercy.
Making the choice to actually listen to people, to know them, gives
us much more insight into how better to show them the love of Christ
and best present His truth. Our snap judgements do a world of harm to
those thirsting for the living water of hope that is Christ. In our
efforts to present the truth, people will be more willing to listen
to us if they can trust us and by truly listening to them we can
develop that trust.

Listening
makes others feel worthy,
appreciated, interesting, and respected. Ordinary conversations
emerge on a deeper level, as do our relationships, when we listen.
When we listen, we foster the skill in others by acting as a model
for positive and effective communication.

In
our relationships, greater communication brings greater
intimacy. Parents listening to their children helps build their
self-esteem. Listening saves time and money in the business world, by
preventing misunderstandings. We always learn more when we listen
than when we talk. Listening skills fuel our
social, emotional and professional success.

Listening
is a precious gift. The gift of time is something we all miss out on
these days. Nearly every aspect of human life could be improved by
better listening. It helps build relationships, solve problems,
ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At
home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant kids who can solve
their own problems. Listening builds friendships and listening builds
marriages.

In
order to listen we must remember to pray for an increase in the gift
of Understanding, a gift of the Holy Spirit. Understanding allows us
to get to the very core of revealed truths. The best way to gain
someone’s trust is to listen. In order to truly listen we need to
trust in the inner workings of God.

Of
course the technology of today has erected new barriers to listening.
Face-to-face meetings and telephone conversations are being replaced
by email and social media. Listening is a skill to be acquired, and a
gift to be shared. We need to listen lovingly in order to build
relationship and enhance intimacy. Listening creates an environment
where the speaker feels heard and understood, and can find greater
clarity and understanding.

Listening
skills need to be developed and that takes time and effort. To start
off we need to put the focus of your attention totally on the
speaker. In order to do this we need to set
aside our own agendas. We need to focus on looking at them and making
eye contact. We need to mentally screen out distractions and not be
distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or biases. A quality
conversation is one in which the other person is the centre of
attention. When we are listening we must never interrupt or impose
our own solutions. We must wait for the speaker to pause to
ask clarifying questions and to ensure understanding of something
that has been said. But we must be careful to avoid questions that
disrupt the speaker’s train of thought.

The best type of
questions when we are trying to listen are
open-ended questions such as “How did that make you feel?
What did you like about it? How important is this to you? Tell
me what you mean by that?” This allows the person to continue
talking but also shows we are interested.

When
dealing with difficult people if we spend more time listening than
speaking the person will become less difficult. When in doubt about
whether to listen or speak it is always best to just keep listening.
A big mistake is to get into a competition with the other. It is
important to avoid
dropping the “Story-Topping” bomb. Just be patient and listen in
order to develop the relationship and take it to a higher level.
But of course we have to be willing to sacrifice our own needs in
order to do that.

It
takes a lot of prayer, love for the other person, self-forgetfulness,
concentration and determination to be an active listener and good
communicator . We need to become comfortable with silence if
we want to help others through our listening. We need to be
deliberate with our listening and remind ourselves frequently that
our goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Through
listening we can learn a lot about the other person’s attitudes and
we can give the other person enjoyment.

As
James said “ Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and
slow to become angry” (James1:19). In times of trouble a
sympathetic ear is more valuable to most people than anything that
can be said to them. Thank you for listening to me today.